What happens to a broken heart? They say only time will mend a broken heart, but a mended heart is not the same the original. What I am trying to say is, if you move on, what happens to all the pain and sadness? Does it just disappear into thin air? Or will they get buried and lingers somewhere deep down inside of your soul? The question is, how do you really move on? By finding someone new?

For me, to get over someone aka move on, is to change your perspective. I don't mean that you should change your personality, dressing, fashion sense, what I am saying is that you need to reformulate your thoughts. You can't really deny that you never love her, because you did. And you can't really say it was a mistake, because saying it as a mistake shows that you can't really have a grip with reality. What I can say is that, what I wanted before and what I want now, are different.

As I was walking around London town in the middle of night, I felt nostalgic. I always walked with her, hand in hand, at this particular hour. Thoughts of it makes me feel lonely. And it was my mistake for getting physical without any confirmation of the status quo. That was a mistake, but I didn't make a mistake liking her. At that particular time, she is exactly what I wanted, but not anymore.

I can say, without a doubt, that I've moved on. But hey, words are just words. To prove it, she'll be back in a couple of days, then we'll see how will I do. Will I walk the talk or will I relapse? Who knows...

Dudeez, nothing monumental happened during my weekends, and I am loving it. I was relaxing for the entire 2 days... and man, it was awesome. Like they say, a wasted weekend is not a weekend wasted. Anyhow, due to my sadistic nature which I have inherited from the Joker, I shall now enlighten my dear readers on what do I do for a living.

I crack my brains for a living. I come out with new and novel ideas on how to process time domain signals efficiently. Everyone knows the standard algorithm for time domain signal processing was created by Widrow. It is called Least-Mean Square(LMS). His idea has also been extended into the Complex-domain and recently, Quaternion-domain.

First of all, what is a quaternion? AQuaternion is a complex number extension into 4-dimension. It is different from vectors as it forms a division algebra. It was culminated by Hamilton 1843 and due to it's awesomeness, Maxwell used it to prove the 4 Maxwell's Equations. However, due it's complexity, Maxwell also used vectors to prove the laws, and due to the strong support of vectors by Heaviside, vectors are considered the norm for proving the Maxwell's Equations.

Besides that, by adding a nonlinearity to a basic LMS filter, we would end up with a Nonlinear Adaptive Filter. One thing to note is that, the input signals would need to be normalized before being processed as to make sure that nonlinearity in the input signals' domain is analytic. This concept has been extended into Complex-domain recently. If the complex function used is not analytic in C but analytic in R, hence it is called a split-complex. It is obvious that a fully-complex function would outperform any split-complex function.

So, my job is to extend this nonlinear concept into quaternion. And, I've designed a nonlinear filter based on quaternion nonlinearities to process multidimensional signals. The results of the simulations are promising mainly because of the exploitation of relationships between the dimensions. ICASSP 09 has accepted my paper and I am currently contemplating of going. Long story as to why....

If you guys don't understand of a word that I typed, then by God, go and do an autocorrelation or something. Yeah, I am that awesome!

I had a fight with Ay08 recently, for reasons too complicated to explain. However, just for completeness sake, it has something to do with the events of Freedom O'Clock. Anyway, I've managed to rectify the problem, and now, with all the pieces are into place, it is time now to take a bow and exit this charade.

Do I have someone else? Am I going after Na? Both the answers are no. I am just taking a break,no, I am quitting. That's right. I am quitting. I am just so sick and tired of this... gossips, fighting, and distrust. I am gonna exit from this environment. I am going to break free and revert back to good old Jack.

Come to think of it, I started to become this way last August, when An05 got married. I regretted the way I treated An05 and now I try to make it up by treating the girl that I like super-duper nice up to the point of spoiling her, eventhough if the girl doesn't like me. Somehow, by doing so, it makes me feel better... at least that's what I thought. But now I know, it would only lead me to more heart breaks. I will just have to live with this feeling of guilt.

Always take care of your heart first. Cleanse it from all the hatred, pain and suffering deep within, and you'll live a wonderful life. Never wear your heart on your sleeve as you'll bound to get hurt. So now, despite everything seems to be fixed, I know that my relationship with Ay08 is at a point of no return. Things can never go back to things there were. Everything's changed.

So, what will happen to my romantic life? Will it end? I know that it won't because life happens. Life wouldn't quit on you even if you quit on life.

Goodbye Ay08, we will still be friends but I shall maintain my distance. Funny thing, I am back to where I've started 4 years ago. A paradox you might say. What happened back then? It's too troublesome to talk about it. Welcome back Jack, we miss you.

So much have transpired during the weekends until I am not sure what to write about. Hence, I have chosen the most prominent event... the one with the most impact in the coming years. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, Freedom O'Clock.

After being rejected by Ay08, I was down, really really down. And most of my friends were worried about me and always asked me to cheer up. To them, I would always mentioned that "Don't worry, I'll cheer up by the 19th." When they asked "Why 19?", and I tell them "It's Freedom O'Clock." Actually, I was just messing with them, but I need a cool answer everytime someone asked me the question.

So here I am, 1 day before the 19th, and still feeling like shit. I was just lazing around my room, thinking about the article A New Beginning that I've written. Giving myself hope to court Ay08 again. Suddenly, my mobile rang, and the next thing I know, I was walking on Baker Street going to a poker night.

It was raining, and windy as well. As I was walking all alone, I thought to myself,"WTH am I doing here? I am still in love with Ay08 and doing this wouldn't help me in any way. Besides, I hate poker." But I pressed on. I guess, at that time, I would love to have a chat with Ad, to sort whine, so that I can get another free meal.

So, I arrived at her apartment, all wet and cold. I rang the doorbell, and as I entered, there's Ad sitting on the floor. Sa was surfing on her laptop and Ia was on the sofa, with her boyfriend Pn. I greeted them, and suddenly, there's another voice that greeted me from my right. I looked to my right, and ladies and gentleman, I would like you guys to meet Na(soon to be numbered). The first time when I interacted with her, I knew that there is a potential for love to grow.

As Freedom O'Clock draws near, I was forgetting Ay08 more and more. As of now, I am still in love with her, but I know that the right thing for me to do is to move on. Hence, I am moving on. Goodbye Ay08, I am going to clean my cache now. The sweet memories... to me, I assume as if it never happenned. It's the only way that I can move on. Ay08 is a friend that I will forever cherish.

And hello Na, do you want to know how I got these scars?

Reminder: Due to the highly sensitive nature of the post, all names involved shall be posted in its' acronym form. So stop whining!

Whining:
So, you guys might be wondering, where the fuck is the last 2 seasons? To answer your morbid question, it's in my previous blogs, and no, I am not going to give the url. So, if you guys have problems understanding the current situation, just fuck off! I write what I want, and I want what I write! What's that, Freud, I have issues? Doesn't everyone?

Season Recap:
I fell in love with Ay08. That's right, she is the first person that I fell in love with. And I hate myself when I am in love, so vulnerable and so....let's just say that the me now would beat the living shit out of the me in love. Its nauseating. Unfortunately, Ay08 already has a boyfriend. So what a smart intellectual person like me do? It's simple, I push on, and obviously, it ended up in a heart breaking situation for me. The trip to Dublin was the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn't thinking with my head, I was thinking with my heart, and it ended up fucking my life over.

Situation:
Ay08 went back to Malaysia for a while, living me in shambles. Even after the rejection, I am still in love with her. Why? It doesn't matter at this point. I miss her badly, and I felt like calling her everyday, but thank God, I didn't do it. So, basically, she is enjoying her lovely time in Malaysia with her boyfirend while I rot here in this hell hole. Ain't life a bitch?

Justification:
Since I am still adamant being in love with her, I have come up with a plan to win her over. Most of you guys would go like "WTF is this loser thinking? Be a gentleman and move on!", and to this people I send the humble message of "Fuck off!". I have empirical proof( which shan't be disclosed due to privacy reasons) that Ay08 is in love with me. I believe this, and my believe shall not waiver until it comes true, or until I am proven wrong. And I believe that I am better for her than her boyfriend will ever be, quite a monumental statement, but I have the balls to say it. Currently, neither has happenned and hence I am proceeding as planned.

Previous Mistakes:
I am a nice guy( I have references!) and that screwed me over. Previously, I would do anything for Ay08 and she took me for granted. Don't get me wrong, Ay08 is the nicest girl that I've ever met, however, I've pampered her a bit too much and my value of appreciation is not justified. Starting from now, I'll spend less time her, I'll spend more time with my friends and girlfriends( we'll get into this next time). It's not about the quantity, it's about the quality.

I was too jealous. Ay08 loves the attention of fellow guys, and hence spending time with her along with the other 'guys' elicits jealousy on my end. Jealous people aren't cool. Ay08s' boyfriend is never jealous( or at least he didn't show it) and that makes him cool in her eyes. To circumvent this, I just shouldn't spend time with her when she is the only girl in the group. What I don't see wouldn't make me feel jealous. Simple.

Objective:
To make Ay08 realizes that she loves me. I know her better than she does, trust me....

The Plan:
The plan is to make Ay08 remembers me, then I would go missing like the wind. I'll only contact her at random intervals which will leave her thinking, "WTF is this guy doing?". She knows that I love her, and now I want to make her doubt that fact. In order to achieve this, I'll pull off a routine called " How I Wish You Were Here" routine.

This shall increase her missing me, and she will look forward coming back. Hence, knowing Ay08, if she is restless , she would complain a lot. She used to complain to me, but if I am not around, she would complain to her boyfriend, and knowing the maturity level of her boyfriend, he might not be able to console her as well as I do , hence she would feel dissatisfied.

I am not gonna say that she is going to leave her boyfriend over this, as Ay08 wouldn't do that. That is not my objective for now. We need to take one step at a time. It's like a domino effect, at crunch time, all the pieces would come together, and it's time to strike. Now is not the time to strike, now is the setting up period.

Conclusion:
I love Ay08. A lot. And I intend to make her my wife. My intentions are pure, it's just that my methods aren't that sound. But keep in mind, I didn't put down her boyfriend, I am just trying to show her that I am a more viable option compared to her boyfriend. And who knows what the future holds for us, but as for now, at this moment, this is what I want to do. I am no schemer, and I don't really have a solid plan, but as things move along, I'll adapt and try to get as close as possible to the desired outcome which is time varying in nature. It's a miracle if I can get her to be my wife, but a miracle is called a miracle because it never happens.

This is my fourth blog in total. The other 3 just didn't cut it. My 1st one was with Friendster, then came 1up and finally followed by blogdrive. Guess I love the domain jumping lifestyle. I am too awesome until I even transcend domains... or even categories for that matter.
I wouldn't want to bore you guys with my details, so let's cut to the chase. First of all, you guys might be wondering,"WTF is this blog all about?". To tell you the truth, it's about nothing. "Nothing? , you asked? Exactly. Then, something crossed my mind, "I might have something here." So, dear random intermenetzzz readers, for the sake of simplicity and also in order to camouflage the agent of chaos that I am, I shall categorize my post into a few labels:

1) Why Do We Love?
You'll be hearing about this a lot. It is my endeavor of ruinining other people's relationships in order to find my own happiness. Awesome stuffs that would put Casanova and Don Juan's achievements to shame.

2) Funtimes
Sometimes, life fucks you so hard until you wouldn't even know what have transpired. At first it hurts, but later on, the pain numbs down and you'll start to enjoy it. Hence, this legendary label was born. Read how I overanalyzed stuff with my psychotically deranged mind as I write overly emo stuff. It's true, I bleed black.

3) I Weep For The Future
This section shall deal with the work that I do which no one would give a fuck about. If no one one gives a fuck about it, then why would I write about it? Fuck them that's why! Once in a blue moon, I shall give a book review( Robert Greene is teh awezomenezz11!!) and also I will drop the ocassional mind-warping theory of the nonlinearities prediction of real-world data. What the fuck am I talking about? You'll see, I'll show you.

4) Stuff That Makes The Pain Go Away
Entertainment bitch, that's what this section is all about. I'll write reviews of movies, games or any other forms of entertainment that your measly little brain can think of. Life is all about fun for the bong-smoking-retarded-shuffling-money-gambling-assholier-smudgy-brain Generation X, and this section is dedicated for you, assholes.

If you may excuse me, I have to go for an ass kicking. Why? Because I can, that's why!